a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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