I'd wear matching sweaters with you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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