Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
