Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
