You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
