She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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