there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
