Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
