WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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