Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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