I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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