Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
