well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
