one two three fourrrrnication!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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