period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
A bitchslap is in order.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
