i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
