New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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