What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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