I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have tasted many bathrooms
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
