Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize