I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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