i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize