im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
