You're so nebulous sometimes
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
