I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's blow job season.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
