Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
