my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
