Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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