i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
