Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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