If i come over, it means nothing
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We left the knife in your bed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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