i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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