Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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