Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i out mim tonsoeep
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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