wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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