i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
