we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
