I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
