man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
