so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
