I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
