You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
