I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
