yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
