So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
