I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
