Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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