We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
