I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
how drunk are you?
Several
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
