as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
