"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
