Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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