If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
