Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
