I could make wine with my vomit
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
