Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
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I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
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Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just forgot I was standing up.
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