none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
