no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You are a genius and a whore.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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