Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
