I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
