Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
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All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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