can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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