I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
