you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
