so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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