like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the liver wants what the liver wants
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
