I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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