I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
