Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
