I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
