cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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