If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize