it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
