So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
