my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
