I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
